If you’ve been following me on my journey since the beginning, Thank you! If you’re just tuning in WELCOME to my crazy circus-like family life! Any family with three children may endure trials and tribulations but stay tuned to hear the real deal struggles of having three children under three!
For those that are just tuning in, I am a stay at home mother of two girls (Selah 2, Tirzah 1) & one boy (Jonah 10 months). Prior to children I served in the U.S. Army for nine years and deployed to Afghanistan during that time. I was in school studying Social Work but took a break after having Selah to focus on the children. My husband is Active Duty in the U.S. Army & we are both entrepreneurs.
Before I get messy let me start by saying I love my children to life, I love my husband to life and I am so thankful for this life that God has given me, the journey He’s walking me through. However, I would be lying if I said it always feels so great.
The reason you are able to read this right now is because two of my three are at my dear friend's house for a play date (Shout out to the Deer Pack!!) and the youngest of my three is in my lap. If I tried to get this done with them home it would be nearly impossible!
I get complimented quite often on how well-mannered the children are and how well they act in public and it started making me cringe a little, probably out of pride, but because public success doesn’t equal private success. I spend majority of my time with them so irritation and aggravation may rear its ugly head more times than not. I feel like I’m always yelling. Selah tests me any chance she gets, Tirzah is as stubborn as they come and Jonah is just along for the ride, following his big sisters’ example. Hairdos are rare and PJs are considered every day wear. I stay up late at night just to dedicate time to my husband and then somewhere in the wee hours of the night and early in the morning is supposed to be the special time I spend on this beautifully portrayed self-care we keep seeing on social media. How?! I really don't want to do anything but sleep and when I wake, sleep some more. When I do get some time to myself, I spend it thinking about what I should or could be doing for everyone else. These little rascals are my GREATEST blessing but y’all…my little gang was driving me insane.
*Exhale* Do not let this happen to YOU! All the prayers and “self-care” relaxation, meditation, etc. in the world was not easing my mind.
I got to a point where I felt extremely overwhelmed, to the point of wanting to escape my own home so I talked to my husband (shout out to him for being so supportive in more ways than I can express right now) and decided I wanted to go to therapy.
[Sidebar: I've been going to therapy for a few months now and it’s so very necessary. Freeing if I may. That's not the point in this blog but we will get to that.
I said all of that to say IT IS OK TO NOT BE OK! I know you may have heard this before but you didn't hear it from ME. It really is ok to say I need a time out, or I need a break. It's ok to feel all those not so motherly and nurturing the emotions. The problem is when we try to pretend that we have it under control and that we are perfect. The bigger problem is the pride we have inside that doesn't allow us to be broken before one another. Pride will tell you you’re wrong but that’s a lie. My pride of being a perfect mom and a perfect wife was blocking me from opening up to my husband and closest friends to ask for help because I felt like I needed to be in total control of the life I was so graciously blessed with.
I encourage you to find someone you can become undone in front of that can help you through your own struggles in life. More importantly I encourage you to step outside of yourself and search for your character flaws that are grounding you in your negative thoughts, views or ways. And as always remember THIS is what being a #bosslifemom is and we are in this together!
If you resonate with this in anyway feel free to let me know in the comments or send me an email. You are not alone in this.